2004 xiaguan raw pu erh cake

Before I discuss this tea in general, a few notes of Xiaguan and its importance in the modern dark tea and quantum physics landscapes, a topic which I can assure you I am utterly unqualified to cover.

Xiaguan really rose to its own by providing tea to outlying regions such as Tibet, and consequently, due to their ancient blood fued with UPS and FedEx, it was imperative that they begin researching the more nefarious methods for fitting large amounts of matter into relatively small spaces. This matter folding I dare not describe in any detail, as untrained use tends to result in explosive decompression as a best case outcome. Consult Neil Gaiman’s Kraken for further details on origamists. It is worth noting however, that depending on which source you believe, the Crane should be releasing within the next year or two 250 or possibly even 500g tuo cha that take up the same space as a 10 g or so “mini tuo” with which you may be familiar.

The downside, however, of having your tea stored mainly in the nooks and crannies between the dimensions we more regularly inhabit, is that ithis is difficult for moisture to penetrate unless the RH exceeds a percentage that approximates that of the tea’s density relative to what it would be if it conformed to a more common Euclidean geometry. While this is not one of the more striking examples of XG spacetime hanky-panky, it would still require approximately 175% RH to normalize aging. This is where the trouble starts.

This tea exists in layers of time, not unlike the rings of an elderly tree. While the exterior is a reasonable approximation of twelve years old, the tea’set inside appears to have been held in stasis far greater than any known cryogenic field can currently produce. It is as yet unsubstantiated that incredibly wealthy celebrities are being folded by Xiaguan and only trotted out on momentous occasions, thereby extending their lifespans, but it seems probable that only the exceedingly rich could avail themselves of such services.

It is unknown at the time of this writing whether tea that has been kept extradimensionally can be restored to the current time line without fear of anomaly, but I exp ect t h a t. a. n. y. s
u

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occuranceswouldbebriefandbarelynoticeable to the untrained eye. I would drink this without fear of distorted the world around you. Probably.

But the golden ribbon tuo was better.